Worst of the Worst 2011 Sneaker list by TokyoMike
2011 comes to an end. It has been a great year of shoe releases in terms of varieties, not the way they have been released. A lot of websites/blogs started doing “Best of 2011” lists for sneakers like they caught a flu. TSG posted a different types of list compiled by TokyoMike that was like a breath of fresh air. It breaks down a list of sneakers that would go on to the sneaker world wall of shame if there was one.
Let’s check out the breakdown:
“With all the “Best Of 2011″ lists, I thought it’d be only right to add a bit of sneaker balance to our world and come up with a list of the sneakers that more or less belong only on the feet of the blind/homeless…….now, to be fair, we all have individual tastes as far as brand, colorway, model, etc, but whatever, if you bought any of these kicks, you should most likely only wear them when the power’s out and you’re trapped inside the house, by yourself, with NO CHANCE of anybody seeing your feet……..
I’ll keep the list as diverse as possible for the sake of variety, although truthfully we “received” alot of hot garbage from just about every brand this year, regardless of those brands all dropping some real gems on us. If you’re offended by the list, I personally apologize (for you being born with doo-doo taste in sneakers that is…..)
Let’s get into it;
10.) Supra Skytop II “AM95″ Inspired
Where to begin……..we know the colorway’s amazing, and we love the dark-to-light gradient effect on the sidewall. Unfortunately, the entire planet feels that way ABOUT ACTUAL NEON AIR MAX 95′S, not Peter Pan’s fairy-basketball-boot hybrid skateboard thingy’s. I’m never against inspiration via an already existing product, but I will openly state that there’s a line between inspiration and copying that should be avoided at all costs, and these donkey nuggets crossed that line without question.
9.) Jordan Sky High Retro
Jordan Sky High”, and “Retro”, more or less two words/terms that shouldn’t ever find themselves sharing the same sentence space. The Jordan Sky High was one of the rarely seen models that almost only existed in rumor save for those super hardcore collectors who somehow owned an actual original pair. JB initially did the right thing and released two decent all canvas “OG” colorways that were pretty well received by those in the know. Then, as is almost to be expected at this point, JB went and wet-farted in the bed by butchering a well respect archive piece the best way they know how; toss a bunch of horrible colors on it with no regard for balance/looks. Absolutely disgusting looking sneaker right here. Thanks for the letdown JB, always know who I can count on to make me feel seasick.
8.) Nike LeBron 8 P.S. “Dunkman”
If Robocop somehow managed to get a vernal disease on his foot by maybe stomping his way through a futuristic brothel without wearing shoe covers, this is what would happen. Robo-silver and pneumonia-lung-green, not my favorite color combo.I can’t stand these. Flywire, mesh, neon, hyperwhatever, a swoosh, neon green, a dunkman, a lion, WOW!, it’s like a small wearable acid trip gone terribly bad. I’ve never seen these being worn and quite frankly I’d love to spend the rest of my natural life never having to do so.
7.) Air Jordan 5 Independence Day
I wanted to be able to end this year with these on my feet, being worn a few times a week. Online pictures eventually revealed the entire upper was patent stankonia, which for a lot of people was a letdown of epic proportions. A little patent on the heel, or toebox, that may have been nice….but just like the often forgotten “Dark Army” V’s you almost never see, these were covered in shiny patent, more or less negating this release entirely. This colorway in tumbled leather would’ve smashed it’s way to top 5 of 2011 status on a lot of people’s lists, mine included.
6.) Nike Air Max JR
These, for me at least, were made with an extra dose of suckage. Apply any colorway you feel like, the aesthetics are sorely lacking, and I DARE you to walk in wet/icy conditions in a Nike with 360° air, you’ll break both legs, two and a half arms, and 1/4th of your pelvis, guaranteed, not to mention you’ll look like garbage while riding in the ambulance.
5.) Jun Watanabe x Asics Gel Lyte III
Asics Gel Lyte III fans were beyond blessed in 2011. Leatherbacks, Mints, PYS Exclusives, and those beautiful black/green/orange GR’s. We were also fortunate enough to see a few releases from quite a few brands that used either a zebra or leopard print on a sneaker and somehow made it work, most notably Nike’s Footscape Wovens, Chapterworlds store-exclusive leopard Forums, and the barely mentioned but oh so sexy Atmos X Puma leopard print Puma Clydes. Jun Watanabe’s interpretation of the GLIII’s fell way short in both regards. Color combo’s not the best, the pink laces don’t seem to make sense, and the zebra is overkill on a shoe that’s quite truthfully begging to be dragged out behind the ol’ woodshed and mercifully shot in the back of the head.
4.) Jeremy Scott adidas JS Bones
I’m not gonna sit here and bash Jeremy Scott. You either like his stuff or you don’t, but nobody can deny his items sit on the shelves at stores for about 5 seconds flat before fetching retail price or higher. We can’t find JS’ shoes in Eastbay’s sales pages, so in that regard he deserves respect. BUT…..these are about as bad as it gets. Gigantic white doggie bones on top of a leopard print/purple/green/aqua hightop. No thank you.
3.) Nike ACG Woodsides
I’m a huge fan of Nike’s ACG models. As far as Nike hitting innovation homeruns, their ACG models have pretty consistently proved to be winners. This year we received a few Talaria Boot retros as well as some absolutely brilliant new models, my personal favorite being the Zoom Meriweather. We were also blessed with a second successful run of the AF1 Duckboot, so to have this “thing” make it to production kind of confused me. It was like taking a Happy Meal and, just for good measure, tossing a rotten apple in there, just in case someone had a craving for maggot infested fruit to go along with that delicious 10 pack of Chicken McNuggets and large fry. These should’ve stayed entirely off of the production line.
2.) Inov-8 Evoskins
For anybody who frequents the gym on a semi-regular basis, you’ve no doubt been visually assaulted time and time again over the past year or so by some dingleberry slap-slap-slapping along on the treadmill, moving like a blind/wounded 3 legged donkey, wearing some type of minimalist footwear. These people can’t wait until you mistakenly look down at their feet so they can rip the headphones out of their sweaty ears and force-feed you their practiced fitness speech……”Saw you staring at my toe-shoes, they’re great man, they really help make my feet stronger!“……. since when did America have such a Weak Foot Epidemic? Does the center for disease control know about this?? I can’t remember the last time I missed a day at work because my feet were too weak to get me from my bed to the front door……
These freakin’ shoes kill me. I thought people casually wearing the Vibram 5 finger model were bad, but Inov-8 took things to an all new stratosphere of ugliness with these damn near see-thru joints that look like you dipped your stanky feet in melted candle wax while simultaneously deciding to go outside and do hill sprints. Your feet aren’t so weak that you need candle wax training shoes, so just STOP IT ALREADY.
1.) Nike MAG
Hahahahahaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!……..I can hear the complaining already!!!!!…………again, we all have our reasons for liking/hating something, myself included. I simply hated everything about this shoe. I didn’t hate the proceeds going to MJF’s foundation, but let’s be honest, just about all the people that cried about the funds “being for a good cause” and used that as an excuse to pay 43 TRILLION dollars for a pair, they’re most likely the same 20-35yr olds who walk past homeless people on a weekly basis and make rude comments about the poor guys cardboard sleep-shack, all the while not dropping a dime in the guys cup. If you weren’t a philanthropist before seeing the Air Mag, don’t try being one now via the internet…..
The shoe itself, uugghhhhh……moonboots weren’t cool back in the day, and strapping a few LED’s on the side along with a Swoosh doesn’t change that for me……. Finally, my last point, which is they don’t auto strap, which was THE thing we saw in the movie that made a lot of us feel strongly about the shoe!! I doubt anybody cared about the shoe in the movie until he hit the button and the laces tightened. Out of everything we saw in 2011, these easily stand out as being ULTRA-SUCKBAG-TASTIC, which is why they landed in the number 1 suck-spot.
Honorable Mention: South Beach Anything
This is more or less about the worst “trend” of the year. Without a doubt, 2011 was the year of the South Beach colorway madness, which went from “cool” to “I want to drink lead-based paint mixed with battery acid to end my life” in half a heartbeat. Was Lebron’s version of the shoe itself bad?…….no……truthfully that’s a matter of personal opinion, so vote that up or down as you see fit. The ensuing colorway copycat/butchering, that was without question a chunk of time in 2011 a lot of people would’ve preferred to live without, and it made some people simply hate any/every item in that colorway, at least for that time period. You simply couldn’t get away from somebody dyeing their 2 day old newborn daughters skin blue & pink, and then happily posting 4,000 pictures online directly from the emergency room. I hated every minute of the South Beach madness, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that regard.”